LET’S FACE IT—when tensions rise, even the best of us get tempted to shift the spotlight from the problem to the person. It’s fast, emotional, and oh-so-satisfying… for about three seconds.
THE BACK STORY
But if your goal is clarity, progress, or even just keeping your reputation intact, here’s a golden rule worth remembering:
• Attack the issue. Not the person.
It’s a simple line—but it takes real maturity to live by it.
We’ve all sat through that meeting where someone says, “Well, maybe if you had read the memo…” instead of asking, “What part of the plan didn’t get through?”
One stirs drama. The other sparks solutions.
ISSUE VS. PROBLEM: THE TONE GAME
Let’s clear this up:
• “Issue” sounds polite. Soft. Easier to digest.
• “Problem” hits harder—it signals something needs urgent fixing.
In conversation, tone is everything.
• “We’re facing an issue with the numbers.” (Calm, focused.)
• “You’re the problem with the numbers.” (Tense, defensive.)
Word choice changes the game. So does your focus.
PERSONAL IS POISON
When you make it personal, people stop listening.
• They start defending.
And that great idea you were ready to share? Missed.
Focusing on the issue keeps the spotlight on the work—not the egos.
• It says, “We’re on the same team. Let’s fix this together.”
And in a world already full of noise, that kind of clarity is rare and refreshing.
MOMENT OF TRUTH
A report’s late. People are stressed.
Not helpful:
• “You were supposed to send it. You messed up again.”
Better:
• “The report didn’t go through—let’s figure out what happened.”
One blames. The other builds trust.
And your great idea? Still heard.
A LINE THAT WORKS ANYWHERE
This mindset works whether you’re managing a team, raising a teenager, or texting your best friend after a fallout.
Try these quick swaps:
Instead of “Why do you always mess this up?”
• Say: “Something’s off here—let’s figure it out.”
Instead of “This is your fault.”
• Say: “Let’s look at where things broke down.”
It’s not about sugar-coating. It’s about being direct without being destructive.
TIPS AND TECHNIQUES
When things go wrong, aim your energy at the problem, not the person. It’s not just smart. It’s powerful.
The goal isn’t to win an argument. It’s to win respect, trust, and better results. Now that’s something worth fighting for.
Remember: Stay calm, fix the issue, and never turn the problem into a personal attack.
#candid conversations
#dramaandsolutions
#personalattacks
#notyourfault
#thephinsider