WELCOME TO FEBRUARY—the month where we collectively decide that the best way to say “I love you” is by gift-wrapping a metabolic dumpster fire.
Somewhere along the way, romance got permanently married to sugar. Chalky conversation hearts that taste like flavored drywall. Artisan truffles with origin stories longer than your last relationship. Champagne, cake, chocolate fountains. Because nothing says devotion like spiking someone’s blood glucose and calling it affection.
As someone who spends her days poking people with needles for a living, let me be very clear: your sweet tooth isn’t cute. It’s a slow-motion suicide pact.
“If you truly love someone this month, don’t hand them a box of inflammatory agents with a bow on it.
If you love yourself, stop treating your body like a seasonal candy dumpster.”
THE SILENT SPIKE
Here’s the uncomfortable truth most people don’t want to hear: a shocking number of you are already pre-diabetic and don’t know it.
You feel fine. Mostly. Maybe you crash after pasta. Maybe your brain feels foggy by mid-afternoon. Maybe you’re tired but can’t sleep. You blame stress, age, hormones, Mercury in retrograde—anything except the reality that your pancreas is in the basement screaming into a pillow while you down your second salted caramel latte.
Pre-diabetes is the ultimate ghoster. No dramatic symptoms. No warning text. It just quietly erodes insulin sensitivity until your cells start rejecting glucose like a bad Tinder date. By the time you’re “thirsty all the time,” the damage isn’t pending—it’s already moved in and rearranged the furniture.
THE ALCHEMY OF DAMPNESS
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, we don’t just stare at lab values—we look at the internal environment. And excessive sugar? That’s what we call Spleen-damaging.
Overindulging in sweets creates Dampness.
Think of your body like a high-end sports car. Sugar is pouring cheap, sticky molasses into the fuel tank. Everything slows down. You feel heavy. Bloated. Sluggish. Your Qi—your usable energy—gets stuck. This Dampness is the metabolic traffic jam that eventually shows up in Western medicine as insulin resistance and diabetes.
You’re not just “full.” You’re bogged down.
Why You Need a Good Prick
This is where people ask, “How can acupuncture help with sugar cravings?”
Because balance isn’t a suggestion—it’s a requirement.
When I needle points like Spleen 6 or Stomach 36, I’m not just poking you for fun. I’m sending a very firm memo to your nervous and endocrine systems to regulate already. Acupuncture helps stabilize blood sugar swings, calm cortisol spikes, and reduce those frantic 3:00 p.m. sugar cravings that feel like an emergency but aren’t.
We work to resolve Dampness—clearing the internal fog so your body remembers how to process fuel without launching your glucose into orbit. It’s about restoring communication between your brain and your gut—lines that years of processed sugar have quietly sabotaged.
A VALENTINE’S REALITY CHECK
If you truly love someone this month, don’t hand them a box of inflammatory agents with a bow on it.
If you love yourself, stop treating your body like a seasonal candy dumpster.
Being a Certified Prick means saying what most doctors are too polite to spell out: you are one chocolate fountain away from a lifetime of finger-pricks. Why wait for a diagnosis before you start caring?
Skip the sugar rush. Come see me instead. Let’s move stagnant Qi, regulate your system, and address the sweetness in your blood before it turns bitter.
CERTIFIED PRICK PRO-TIP
If you’re craving sugar, you’re often dehydrated or protein-deficient. Drink 12 ounces of water first. If the craving survives, then we’ll talk needles.
THE GOLDEN RULES
Stop the ice water. Cold drinks drown digestive fire. Choose warm water or ginger tea.
Eat to 80%. Overeating is the fastest way to create stagnation.
Bitter is better. Arugula, dandelion greens, ampalaya—bitterness reins in sugar cravings.
Say no to “White” Foods. If it’s white (bread, white sugar, white flour), it’s basically glue for your arteries.
The Certified Prick –
Stay sharp. Stay balanced. And for heaven’s sake—put down the truffle.