Certified Prick

On Retirement, Sunshine And Siestas

AH, RETIREMENT! THE golden years!

Visions of endless chikahan with kumares, leisurely trips to the mall, and finally having the time to travel to all the places you’ve always dreamed of visiting dance in your head. You bid farewell to the tyrannical alarm clock, stress of showing up in your best corporate look, and the soul-crushing traffic along EDSA.

Freedom! Sweet, sweet freedom! Think again because sometimes, the teleserye of life takes a rather unexpected, and frankly, dramatically less glamorous turn.

Instead of blossoming into a picture of serene contentment, some retirees find themselves on a rapid, downhill bicycle ride of health. It’s like their bodies, finally free from the daily grind, decided to stage a collective rebellion, muttering, “Oh, you’re relaxing now? Teka lang…”

A MEDICAL DRAMA

What gives? Why does this supposed paradise sometimes feel more like a medical drama with commercial breaks every five minutes? 

Firstly, there’s the Great Void of Purpose. For decades, work was our North Star, our reason for dragging ourselves out of bed before the sun even considered it. Suddenly, that’s gone.

The daily reports are replaced by daily episodes of KDrama series, the demanding boss by the equally demanding remote control, and the sense of accomplishment by the crushing realization that you’ve watched an entire season of Outlander. This lack of structure can send our brains into a tailspin, leading to the dreaded duo of depression and anxiety, which, spoiler alert, aren’t exactly health boosters.

Then comes the Great Sedentary Slump. Remember all that running around at work? Even if it was just rushing to the pantry for coffee before it ran out, it was galaw-galaw!

Now? The most strenuous activity might be reaching for the remote control or opening a bag of chips. This sudden shift from moderately active to “one with the sofa” is a one-way ticket to the land of expanding waistlines, grumpy hearts, and the sugar blues (aka, diabetes).

OUT OF THE LOOP

Let’s not forget the Social Out-of-the-Loop Black Hole.

Work, for all its frustrations, was a social hub. You had colleagues to gossip with, complain to about the boss, and occasionally celebrate with during birthdays or Christmas parties.

Retirement can leave you feeling like the last slice of pizza at a party – unwanted and slightly awkward. This isolation breeds loneliness; it stresses you out and messes with your brain.

And because life loves a good plot twist, retirement can also trigger some… interesting lifestyle changes. Suddenly, it’s acceptable to have cereal for dinner (and lunch, and possibly breakfast again) and be in your jammies all day long because sleep schedules become as reliable as the weather forecast. And that occasional can of beer to unwind after a tough day? Well, now every day feels like it warrants a celebratory can (or two or three).

LIBERATING

These shifts, while initially liberating, can send your health into a nosedive faster than you can say “happy hour.”

Of course, let’s not pretend that those pre-existing health gremlins weren’t lurking in the shadows all along. Work might have kept them somewhat at bay with routine and a vague sense of responsibility. But retirement? It’s like a “free for all” sign went up, and those little aches and pains decided to throw a full-blown rave.

So, what’s the takeaway from this slightly alarming, yet hopefully humorous, exposé? Retirement doesn’t have to be a one-way street to the doctor’s office.

BE PRODUCTIVE

The key is to be proactive. Think of your post-work life as a new job – the job of staying healthy and happy.

Embrace new hobbies like you once embraced deadlines (okay, maybe with slightly less stress). Join senior citizen clubs, volunteer for a worthy cause, learn a new skill – anything to keep that brain working and those social connections strong.

Dust off those walking shoes and rediscover the joy of walking (even if it’s just a brisk walk to the convenience store). Schedule regular check-ups like you used to schedule meetings (and actually show up!). And for goodness sake, try to maintain some semblance of a healthy lifestyle, even if it means occasionally swapping that chocolate bar for a carrot stick.

A GLORIOUS CHAPTER

Retirement can be the glorious chapter we all dream of. But like any good story, it requires a bit of planning, effort, and maybe a sprinkle of good humor to navigate the unexpected plot twists.

So, let’s raise a (sensible-sized) glass to a healthy and happy retirement, filled with more laughter than lamenting our creaky joints!

Cheers!