Wednesday, June 18, 2025

Certified Prick
Couch Life Chronicles: A Filipino Senior’s Guide to Peace, Pajamas, and Pandesal

Once upon a time, I was the lakwatsa queen. Mall hopping, night markets, Sunday family KTV followed by lunch buffets—I was there, full on make up, bag in hand, ready to conquer the outside world. Now? If you invite me out at 6PM, I’ll say, “Ay, I already took a shower. That’s it for the day.”

It’s not that I’ve become antisocial or lazy. I’ve just evolved. I’ve discovered something magical in my golden years: the art of doing nothing, and I’m thriving.

Doing nothing is not useless. It’s healing. While others are out chasing plans and battling traffic on EDSA, I’m sitting in my favorite chair, sipping coffee, feet elevated, and blood pressure stable. That’s not laziness—that’s preventive healthcare.

MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS

I’ve also noticed that stress levels drop dramatically when you’re not constantly rushing to book a ride because the last two Grab drivers decided to cancel or waiting in line at Mercury Drug. At home, everything is calm. My plants are growing, my heartbeat is regular, and I haven’t argued with a taxi driver in years. Coincidence? I think not.

And of course, I’ve formed deep, meaningful relationships—with my delivery people. They’re my new best friends. They bring me fruits, meds, lechon manok, and the occasional ube cheese pandesal. I see them more than I see my doctor. They’re punctual, polite, and never ask awkward questions like “Kailan ka lalabas ulit?”

Thanks to them (and technology), I don’t have to risk my joints or my immune system just to run errands. Why go to the pharmacy when I can have my supplements and maintenance meds delivered with a free smile and sometimes a free sachet of Milo?

HYGIENE STATE

Another thing—going out means germs. Crowds, sneezing strangers, coughing kids. No thank you!

At home, I control the hygiene situation. I know exactly who sneezed on the remote (spoiler: it was me). And don’t get me started on comfort—real health starts with stretchy pants. I’ve let go of belts and heels, and in return, my knees and back have forgiven me.

I walk around the house for exercise. I do gentle stretching in the morning (sometimes while waiting for rice to cook). And for cardio? I panic walk when I can’t find my phone. That counts, right?

MENTAL HEALTH

My mental health? Glowing. I have zero social anxiety because there’s no pressure to make small talk or pretend I like someone’s kare-kare. I talk to my dog and my cats, sing along to teleserye theme songs, and solve crossword puzzles in record time (unless I nap mid-way).

So no, I’m not missing out. I’ve just figured it out – I’m just choosing me, my peace, my health, my snacks, my slippers, my comfort, and a little space to do absolutely nothing. That’s not giving up—that’s winning.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think Kuya Jollibee is at the gate.

1 COMMENT

  1. Different strokes for different folks! But yes, I’d like to work towards a more relaxed life. But how? When our country is going to the dogs😡 I still find ways to be a concerned citizen inspite my advancing years.

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Gwenn Canlas
Gwenn Canlas
Gwenn Canlas is a certified and seasoned acupuncturist dedicated to guiding people achieve their health and wellness goals. She believe that balance within the body enhances both physical and emotional well-being.